My world came crashing down
today when I saw the most
wonderful, strogest, unselfesh,
proudest man I have ever known
sadly left this world today.
I am so lost for words its not even
funny. He passed with the most
important people at his side.
My grandmother who i call nanny
was at his bedside the whole time.
holding his had until the end.
I knew it was happening, me not very strong hid behind the curtain
One part of me is glad he's not suffering the way he has this past
few days. it was a nightmare
every breath he took he had to
fight harder and harder for.
The other part of me wants back
more then words can say.
Things I thankful for that he gave
me and wonderful memories:
Riding a bike
taught me how to work in a wood shop and use all the tools. making the decons bench was fun.
always put other first.
long bike rides to the "muddy road"
"country park"
feeding the ducks
swimming.
walked me down the aile and gave me to chris.
niagra falls
going down to the bluffs and watching the small airplanes and watching
the sail boats.
lots of wonderful stories of him growing up and the war stories and wisdom that he lernt.
taught me to be artistic drawing and never to be afraid of doing art.
learning how to draw boats and planes.
There are millions of things that grandad gave me, taught me.
I cant put in words
I thought the world of him my oldest thought the world of him, yesterday i told taylor that god wants to take grandad soon, she went off to her own and made a pic of her crying saying the words "i miss you grandad i love you goodbye"
broke my heart to see that. shes 6 years old and thinks the world of her grandad.
then tonight we had to tell her what happend and she asked why. so we told her that god wnated to make him into an angel.
so off she went again not liking the news and drew a pic of grandad wearing wings wiht the words "i miss you taylor" in a bubble coming out of his mouth. broke all of our heats to see that.
Shes ok now. i thnk shes dealing iwth it threw her art. one of his favorite pass time of grandads was his art.
I dont know what to say right now so I'll be off
too much to say and the brain just dont want to do it.
More thoughts
Jan 1 2007
Today was just as hard I have not slept and I cant stop crying. I want the pain to stop!!! I have never hurt so much in my life and the thing is , is grandad is worth every tear. He's being creamated today and we are holding a thing service this sat for him for friends and family. I you read this and you are one of the above contact me.
My thoughts are all over this place and i dont know my name right now I am so scared for my nanny. shes being so strong now but when she crashes im so scared for her health and well being.
I dont know how to act, feel, say, i dont know if i want to be alone , kick the crap out of someone, cry, scream, I want to be with my family, or i want to go on life thinking nothing happend. I hate this so much you dont understand.
Im so thankful for all the wonderful memories that grandad gave me i am so scared as time goes on i will forget. I dont want to forget. I dont want my nan to be alone, I wish Savana could of gotten to know him, taylor had an amazing 6 years and i pray her memories never fade.
I just want to cry, well i cant seem to stop. i want to pain to stop. Will it ever stop? will the hurt ever go away? What I am going to do is get a beautiful keepsake box and put imprortant stuff to me in it that was my grandads so when ever taylor or i miss him we can go to the box. and when savana wants to know him she can go to the box.
My nan is holding on to his ashes for when the tragic time comes and its her turn to be with her soul mate again she will also be creamated adn added to the ern. they wanted to spend the afterlife together and so they shall.
I have never known anyone that has had the life they had. They went threw the war together and all that the war gave and took them. Tragicly they lost a new born baby april 1 1949 before that they had a son. after the death of baby allen they had my aunt lynda in 1950. In 1957 they moved here from england and had it tough that made them stronger. in 1960 they had my mother. and so on . threw the years they have had many losses and many gains. but my whole life they were the ones i looked up to.
If you have read this far the song im trying to get put on here is the jive bunny and it was my childhood song with my grandad while the song played grandad would get his playing bones and play amazing to the song as i would dance my heart out around the dinning room and living room.
the best grandfather/father figure anyone could ever want and ask for.
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